


in the quiet of our hearts

by Squishy_TRex



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sappy, The Force, these two kids are in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 19:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5838679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squishy_TRex/pseuds/Squishy_TRex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's in the forests of D'Qar that Finn finds his peace. But with Rey there, he finds something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the quiet of our hearts

It was quiet, in the forest. Something Finn was thankful for.

It didn’t matter where he’d been, working alongside his (former) fellow Stormtroopers on the First Order’s ships or where he was now, assisting where he could with the Resistance on their bases, noise was unavoidable.

It was only out here, among the vast wildlife and foliage, that he could find some sort of solace, solitude away from the never-ending commotion. A luxury he’d never thought possible before. He could actually _choose_ to leave the base if he wanted some alone time and no one would care. It was exhilarating.

Finn remembered the first time he asked, nervous and fearful, stumbling over the question. The upset and sympathetic looks from Poe and General Organa only exacerbated those feelings, reminded him how out of place he still was in their world. But the gap was closing every day, with each new freedom Finn discovered.

It was patiently explained to him that although he was considered a working member of the Resistance, he was allowed any amount of free time he wanted and could come and go as he pleased, no questions asked.

So he did. Almost every day since then, he had taken the time to walk outside, explore the forested area of D’Qar by himself. At first, he made sure the base was never out of his sight, afraid he might get lost and, after Jakku, being marooned on an unfamiliar planet didn’t appeal to him in the slightest.

But as the days became weeks and life among the Resistance started to feel normal, he allowed himself to stray further, creating paths in the outdoors that were for him alone. Walking among the expanse of greenery was something he looked forward to every day, the soft sounds of wildlife a comforting addendum to every trip. He found that being alone was one of the most wonderful feelings he’d never had before and the forest of D’Qar became his own personal haven away from all of it, for the first time, a place just for him.

It was fine, but despite the contentment, he still felt something was missing.

And then Rey returned.

It had taken every ounce of his willpower to hold himself back when the Millennium Falcon landed at the base. Of course, all the self-control in the galaxy didn’t matter because as soon as he saw her walk down the landing ramp, Finn found himself running right for her. He met her halfway, encircling her in a hug, tight enough that he could feel the vibrations of her laughter as she hugged back.

When he finally, reluctantly, pulled back, Finn found himself at a loss for words. So many passed through his mind, but nothing came out, too transfixed by her mere presence in front of him. She smiled at him. It was sweet and melancholy, as if she could sense what he was feeling.

Rey looked different. Not physically, although Finn could detect the presence of new muscle in their hug. It was in her eyes. There was a new strength there, backed by an assured calm, as if she held all the secrets of the universe. She probably did, the thought tugging a grin onto Finn’s face. He’d believe it.

“It’s so good to see you Finn,” she said. Her voice matched the new look in her eyes. Calm, cool, collected.

“Yeah, you too, Rey,” he responded. Feeling the imminent rise of an awkward pause he quickly tried to fill it.

“So, uh, you’re back, which is great and I, uh, really missed you, of co-“ he interrupted himself in the most embarrassing way possible by tripping forward. Right into Rey’s arms. Finn could feel his face burning as he righted himself. But one look at Rey’s bright smile made it worth it.

“Let’s get you off this ramp before you really hurt yourself, yeah?” she said between giggles. Together, they walked down back to the ground and, attempted to wade through the sizeable crowd of rebels that had come to greet the returning heroes. They passed by General Organa, who gave soft smiles to both Finn and Rey, briefly stopping for a hug with the latter before hurriedly moving towards the Falcon, another Jedi on her mind.

Finn felt Rey press closer to him as they passed through the base. He waved and smiled cheerfully to everyone he knew and without even looking at her, could sense the smirk.

“You’ve fit in well here,” she said. He shrugged.

“It’s home.” Those two words swelled inside him, a buoyant feeling of safety and belonging. That was the first time he’d really said the words; they’d only ever been implied during late-night conversations with Poe and the comforting routine he’d fallen into.

Everything he thought he would never have was here, was his life now. And with Rey back, a feeling of content washed over him, like the final piece of a puzzle had fallen into place.

She was quiet for a moment, a thoughtfulness emanating from her. Not for the first time, Finn wished he knew what she was thinking. He shifted from side to side, fingers twitching still feeling a distance as he watched her.

Then, after a few seconds passed, she let out a breath, like she’d been holding it in, and turned to brightly smile at him. He’s taken aback for a second, his own breath lost, as her dazzling smile pierced through skin, muscle, bone, hitting his heart straight on.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the way she makes him feel.

Without any prompting, she reached over and took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly.

Finn is pretty sure he just lost the ability to breathe completely.

“I’m so happy for you,” she said.

He swallowed, her eyes burning brighter than the sun on Jakku. Just thinking about that brought back so much, felt like a lifetime ago and they’d been apart for so long, they’d, he’d, missed so much, he hadn’t even seen her leave….

“I, uh, I, Rey, I...” he started and then stopped, looking away for a second to clear his head. He felt her curious gaze studying him. He breathed in, breathed out. Then turned back to meet her eyes with a smile of his own.

“I want to show you something.”

* * *

 

The soft twittering and cooing of birds overhead was music to Finn’s ears. They were traipsing through D’Qar’s forest, with him leading the way, Rey close by. He walked carefully, even more conscious of his limp, knowing that Rey had deliberately slowed her pace to stay alongside him.

Pushing those thoughts and the dark places they led to aside, he instead focused on Rey, watching her as she took in all the flora (and the few visible fauna) around them. The way she brushed her fingers across the mossy bark of each tress, how her gaze jumped every time she spotted the movement of flapping wings. He felt his lips upturn in a smile as she craned of her neck or changed her gait as attempted to take in everything around her at once.

He knew she’d appreciate this place.

“It’s beautiful out here,” she said, hand up to block out the sun’s slight glare as she scanned the treetops. She dropped her gaze back to him, face flushed from exertion, grin impossibly wide and lively on her face. “I can see why you love it.”

Finn’s heart was beating with the intensity of blaster fire and he knew it wasn’t from the hike. Feeling his own face start to warm, he only nodded, fearful of saying something embarrassing.

They continued on the path, well-worn from Finn’s frequent use, until they finally reached what he’d come to know as “his spot.” Not a very creative name, he knew, but it was his. Didn’t matter what it was called; no one was here to chastise him from. That was something he was still getting used to, having things that were his.

 _Well_ , Finn thought, ducking his head, _it could be Rey’s now too_.

 “It” was a small dirt clearing, surrounded by trees. A fallen log was its centerpiece, with a dead tree, roots out, beside it, leaned away against one of the healthier trees. There was shade aplenty thanks to the impressively endowed branches, with only tiny spots of sunlight filtering through. Fallen leaves littered the ground, with a few healthy fungi cropping up near the more rotten parts of the log.

Finn breathed deeply, feeling any lingering anxiety melt away. The unusually quiet atmosphere of the area might have been unsettling to anyone else, but not to Finn. It was nothing short of perfect; the kind of place he still couldn’t believe was real. It was here, more so than the base, that made him feel like the First Order couldn’t reach him.

He can feel Rey come up beside him, not close enough to touch, but enough that there’s tension between the sliver of space.

“This is it, isn’t?” she asked. He braved a glance at her and saw that her gaze had turned from joyful to, not quite solemn, but almost…reverent. As if she could feel something deeper, more ancient at work among the dirt and leaves and trees all around.

He reminded himself that she was a Jedi now; she could probably sense a lot of things that he couldn’t. An uneasy feeling curled in his stomach and he moved forward toward the log, limp a little more pronounced. Sitting down released the tension in his back and he blew out a steady breath, stretching out his legs.

Rey frowned at him, but Finn just smiled back and motioned her over. She carefully made her way to the middle of the clearing, mindful of his legs, and sat down beside him. There was no gap between them and Finn felt his throat dry at the close warmth of her body.

“It really is amazing here,” she said. “I haven’t felt anything like it.”

“Felt?” he asked. She nodded, a smile hovering at the corners of her mouth.

“Yes. The Force is…incredibly strong here.” She breathed deeply. “I can feel it…flowing all around me.”

Finn watched as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Heat raced up his spine as he felt the movement against his him.

“Master Skywalker taught me that everything is tuned into the Force, that it’s a part of every living thing in the galaxy,” she said. A slight frown tugged at her lips. “Maz Kanata tried to tell me the same thing, but I wasn’t ready to hear it. And really,” she breathed deeply again, eyes still closed, the tension visibly draining from her face and body. “It’s one thing to talk about it, but it’s, well, it’s quite another to feel it. To sense it everywhere, like it’s a part of the air you breathe.”

She became quiet after that, and while Finn knew she was still there physically, it was clear that her mind was elsewhere, drifting alongside the Force that only she seemed able to sense.

He wasn’t jealous or angry or resentful, but he had a feeling there would always be a part of him that hated anything that kept them apart.

Finn didn’t want to have her back only to still be separated from her. But right now, he tried to focus on her presence, basking in the reality that, Jedi and the Force aside, she was _here_. Although, even that had its own set of problems.

So close to her, Finn could feel himself slipping into dangerous territory, uncharted waters that he wasn’t sure he had any right to explore. Her body pressed to him still wasn’t close enough for him, even though he could feel the steady rhythm of her breathing. A stray hair loosened from one of her knots tickled the side of his face. Even though he could feel the blush flaring on his face, probably shining like a beacon, he couldn’t stop himself from looking away.

It was like she was in a trance. Her brow had furrowed and Finn had to restrain himself to keep from reaching over and smoothing out the crease. Eyelids still shuttered closed, he was transfixed by the slight fluttering of her eyelashes that pressed against her skin. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, pausing occasionally for slight breathes. Finn reddened further as he thought of those lips curled in a smile, stretched wide in a grin, parted in a laugh, pressed against his own…

He turned his head away, gaze fixed towards the dirt near his feet. At this point, his face might as well have been on fire, even his ears were burning. They were _friends_ and really, that was amazing in of itself. A miracle made by pure chance (and if he was feeling optimistic, fate). It almost seemed selfish to want more, to think that they could be more. He clenched his hands into fists and tried to dissuade himself from thinking about how wonderful they could be together, how beautiful he was, how happy she made him feel, how much he lov-

Finn closed his eyes and breathed out, steadying himself. He needed to stop hurting himself with these thoughts.

Chancing a glance back at Rey, he noticed that her hands were shaking slightly and the furrow had become deeper. Immediately, his mind turned worried and frantic. Was something wrong? Was she being hurt?  His mouth twisted in fear, unsure of how to bring her out of…whatever was happening. He reached out his hands and gently clasped them in hers. Rubbing circles over her knuckles with his thumb, Finn leaned in closer, enough that their foreheads almost touched.

Slowly, her breathing became steadier and more relaxed. When she finally opened her eyes, they shone brilliantly at Finn and he felt his heart leap into his throat.

“You ok?” he asked after he regained the ability to speak.

She nodded. “Yeah,” she said, giving him a slightly sheepish smile. “I didn’t mean to worry you. Sometimes, I get too caught up in flow of the Force. Master Skywalker warned me that even though I’m strong with the Force, it can sweep me away if I’m not careful.” Her gaze shifted towards the ground.

Finn gently squeezed her hands, a tiny voice in the back of his mind screaming its joy at the contact.

“That’s good though, right? That you’re strong in the Force?” He tried to move into her line of sight, guide her back to him.

“I bet you’ll be the most amazing Jedi in the galaxy someday,” he said, smirking. “Probably pretty soon, actually.” She still wasn’t looking at him, her gaze seeming to grow

“I really missed you, Finn,” she murmured, sounding like something was catching in her throat.

He flashed a genuine smile, a small, almost desperate chuckle escaping him. “I know, you already told me. Not that I don’t love hearing you say it.”

She didn’t say anything, or even return the smile. Instead her face seemed to cloud over even more. He watched her close her eyes and swallow, felt her fingers quietly tap against his. A sense of dread overtook his feelings.

“Finn,” she started. “I…I’m sorry.” She finally looked up at him and he was surprised and upset to see unshed tears gathering in her eyes. “I-I,” she breathed deep, exhaling in a rush. “When you were unconscious, when I, I left, I hated myself for going. I knew that you’d be looked after and I was certain we’d meet again, but it was still the hardest thing I had to do, walking away from you. But I had to go find Master Skywalker.”

Finn nodded, not trusting himself to say anything.

“And when I met him and became his apprentice, oh Finn, it was amazing. There was so much I didn't _know,_ so much that he was wiling to teach me. I wish you could’ve been there during my first few months of training, I was such a wreck. You’d have laughed at how much I made a fool of myself,” she said. Inwardly, Finn shook his head; no way would he have laughed at her.

“But after a while, I started getting better. Stronger. And, I realized that I could sense a lot of things through the Force. Master Skywalker, other Force-sensitive beings, elements of the world around me…and you.”

Finn knew he wasn’t able to keep the surprise off his face. She deliberately wasn’t looking at him, but he could see her chin wobbling.

“I knew the moment you woke up. I felt it through the Force, like this tremendous surge of energy and life and this feeling that was just entirely _you._ Oh Finn, you have no idea how happy I was, to know that we were so far apart, but that I could feel you like you were right next to me. I wanted to see you right away. Just take the Falcon and go. But…” She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut.

“I didn’t. I convinced myself that I had to keep training, that you wouldn’t have wanted me to abandon everything we’d fought so hard to get to. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, not going back to you.”

Finn opened his mouth to say something, but the words escaped him.

“And then, when I finally come back,” she continued, her voice raw and pained. “I realize I’ve missed so much. You’ve made a home here, without me and, I, I don’t even know where I fit in with you anymore. I’m so afraid that we’ve been apart for too long, that we’re going on different paths, that we won’t-“

She broke off, pulled one of her hands away to cover her mouth.

“I don’t want to lose you and I’m scared that’s already happening,” she rushed out, fear chasing the words.

A single tear slipped down her face and she hurriedly wiped it away. Finn could feel his heart rend in two and this time, he pulled her into a hug.

 “You’re here now,” he said. His voice sounded small, even to his own ears.

Rey pulled back slowly and looked up at him. The expression on her face was wide open and unguarded, like she was seeing him for the first time all over again. Finn looked back and even though he felt the nervousness beating at his chest, the instinct to flee or hide pulsing through his body, he forced himself not to move.

“You’re right,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to give up everything you were working on to come back. We didn’t go against the First Order and escape Starkiller Base for nothing and…lose people for nothing. And yeah, we were separated for a while, but,” he shrugged, “I think it had to happen. Both of us growing on our own, figuring out who we are, something I’m definitely still doing. But, you know, I never believed the galaxy could keep us away from each other forever.” He could see a soft smile building from his words.

“And now that you’re back, you better be back for good. I don’t care if he’s the greatest Jedi ever, now way is Luke Skywalker taking you away again. Anything you still gotta learn, you can do right here on D’Qar,” he said sternly. Or, rather, attempted to say sternly.

Rey giggled at him.

“Oh, I’m sure Master Skywalker is no match for you, Finn,” she said, tone heavily flavored with sarcasm. They smiled at each other, Finn relieved that he seemed to be making her happier. Her face took on a slightly more serious, but still happy expression.

“Thank you,” she said. “You seem to always know what to say to make me feel better.” She narrowed her eyes and something like determination came over her features.

Before Finn could respond with, well, anything, Rey quickly leaned in and kissed him. It was feather-light, but sent an electric shock straight through him. When she pulled back, her face was

“Sorry, I just, well, I’ve been wanting to do that for a bit,” she said, gaze darting between him and the ground. Finn, completely stunned, could only blink.

“D-Don’t apologize,” he finally responded. Months of imagining what this would be like and that was the best he could do? He mentally cursed himself for not being as smooth as had practiced in his head. Of course he’d managed to make a fool of himself in front of her (again) and not for the first time worried that he wouldn’t be enough for her.

But one look into her eyes, shining with affection (and something more) and he decided to barrel past all his insecurities for once. He leaned in and met her lips again, one hand lifting to cup her cheek. She made a sound of contentment and eagerly opened for him, quickly deepening the kiss. They moved together, the fingers of her free hand grasping against his shirt and their bodies drawing closer together, as if they were being moved by the Force itself.

Finn was absolutely ecstatic, the sliding movements of her lips with his smooth and perfect, as if they were made to fit together. He felt every tiny nip and suck she made, each one building up the fire that was starting to burn in him. The slight scratch of her blunt nails against his chest brought out a low moan in him and he had to tear himself away. Both of them were out of breath and when he opened his eyes, her smile, aimed squarely at him, was utterly radiant. He had never seen anything quite so beautiful in all his life and felt a stinging in his eyes as he thought about everything he had achieved to see it.

She gave a breathy laugh and leaned in to touch his forehead with hers.

“I’m not going to leave you ever again Finn,” Rey whispered. Using the hand that wasn’t clutching at him, she silently interlocked their fingers together. “I truly believe we were meant to find each other and I will do everything in my power to keep us together. No matter what.”

Finn didn’t say anything, but spoke his assent by bringing her into another kiss. This was what he had been missing, she was what he had been missing. And as he lost himself in her mouth, in her body, in her soul, he knew that here, in his quiet place in the forest, with the most wonderful person he had ever known (who loved him the way he loved her) was where he belonged.


End file.
